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[My Mother's Blog]  What Is Biblical Submission? Over the years I've received lots of questions asking what biblical submission means to me over the years. I've tried to write articles about it, but they all wound up in the delete box because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say. I'm going to give it another try and hopefully this time the Lord will help me work out what to write. Remember, this is only what it means to me. This isn't necessarily 100% correct and it isn't necessarily the way anyone else would explain it. What follows is purely my opinion. The bible clearly instructs wives to be submissive to their husbands.
and also:
There are other verses too, but these are the main ones. As I see it these verses are telling me to submit to Fred. They are not saying that all women should submit to all men and that men should rule the world. On the contrary, these verses are very specific that the only man I need to submit to is my husband. As luck would have it, the only man I respect enough to submit to happens to be the same one I married. That means that when I am out and about in the world and some other guy tells me to do something I am not obligated to listen to him at all. He has no authority over me. Only Fred does. But what type of authority does my husband have? What exactly does it mean to submit? Does it mean that I have to join one of those shady adult groups where women wear collars? Does it mean I have to obsequiesly say "Yes Sir" after every statement that comes out of darling hubby's mouth? Does it mean that I am not "allowed" to make decisions about the household or our kids myself? No, on all accounts. All of these are examples of what I call False Submission. On the surface they may seem submissive but if you delve a little deeper they are worldy trappings and have nothing to do with genuine, heart felt, biblical submission. Submission means I take out the trash instead of making Fred do it. Fred hates to take out the trash. We both know it's his job. We both know he will put it off forever and a day. We both know that I will get mad and nag him and he will get mad and put it off even longer. This goes on and on and all it does is breed contempt between us. So the solution is that I take out the trash and don't bother him about it. This is a generous gift that I give to my Darling Husband. I do one of his chores for him becasue he hates it and when I do it the houshold runs smoother. Well, this turns out to have long lasting ramifications. I take out the trash for him and he makes coffee every morning for me. Wow, how cool is that? I do something nice for him and he feels all thankful and well cared for and so he does something nice for me. That's the way it's supposed to work in a marriage right? So then I am feeling cherished so I make sure his socks are matched since I want to be good to him because he makes such good coffee. Fred is not particularly talented at matching socks, so I do it for him and it saves him time and anguish when he gets ready for work. Then, since it's so easy for him to get to work when he's called out in the middle of the night that when he gets home the next morning he brings me a country ham biscuit from Hardees. Yummy, I love country ham biscuits, especially when I don't have to make them myself. So while he's sleeping I am feeling sweet spirited towards him and make his favorite roast for supper. When he wakes up to a house filled with the aroma of a yummy roast he decides he'll take a few minutes and gas up my car before dinner. Then I find my gas tank full the next time I take the boys to Karate so I think of something else to be good to him. When people are nice to us it makes us want to be nice back. Like dominoes it continues on and on and on. But just like dominoes, someone has to start it. When I am being a submissive wife, I take the responsibility to start the domino effect. I don't wait around feeling unloved and nagging my hubby for not taking out the trash. I don't think up ways to trick him into doing it either. I claim my role as a wife, I take out the trash myself, and I start the domino effect of kindness. This is the first thing that being submissive means to me. The next thing it means is that I let Fred have his way when we disagree. And I do it with a loving spirit. I don't hold a grudge and make him pay later on by doing something sneaky to take out my resentment. When we discuss things Fred and I are on equal footing. I am not lower than him. He is not higher than me. We are one flesh, equally discussing the options available. I tell him what I think. He tells me what he thinks. We list the pros and cons and then make a decision. I let him know the decision I prefer, and he takes that into consideration. Usually he agrees with me. But not always. And when he doesn't agree with me I remind myself that I am an adult and I do not always get my way. I do not throw a childish temper tantrun, instead I move forward in faith that Fred is doing what he believes is right for the whole family. I could put my foot down and do a mad dance. I could snidely insult him in front of company or put him down in public. I could undermine his authority in front of the children. That wouldn't build up our marriage though, and it would dimish the trust we have worked to establish. It would make the next family decision harder to make, and would more than likely create household tension that makes everyone unhappy. I don't want to live that way. Submitting means trusting that my husband has my best interest at heart and doing everything I can to build him up and show him his value in our household. He sacrifices his life force for us. He goes to work and listens to foolish bosses tell him irresponsible things and he holds his tongue. He never gets enough sleep and his hearing has diminished and his health has taking a beating. He does this for me and for our family. He gives up so much of himself so that we will be well provided for. It seems to me that if I were making these kinds of sacrifices that I would deserve a little respect around the house. But I'm not making these sacrifices. Instead I'm sacrificing my own selfish desire to be right when it comes time to make an important decision. Why do you think women live longer than men? It's because sacrificing one's ego for the family is a lot easier than sacrificing one's health and one's body for the family. Another thing submitting means to me is that I know my role in the family and I am happy and satified in it. The wife's role in a family has to be custom designed for each family. What works for us will probably not work for everyone else. The generalities may be the same but the details will be different. For instance in our family I am the spokesperson. I have no problems with public speaking but Fred gets the sweats when he has to speak in public. I can stand in front of a crowd and talk all day, but Fred is better in small groups. Even though men are traditionally the spokespeople for their families it doesn't mean that my family is doing it wrong. We are doing it the way that is best for our family and I think that's okay. God created both Fred and I so that our strengths and weaknesses would compliment eachother. Where I have weaknesses Fred has strengths and vice versa. We are more whole together than we are apart. Part of my role is to be the primary care giver to the kids and to take care of the household. I do it the best I can, sometimes with more skill than other times. Fred rarely quesitons me about the way I handle things with the kids or the house, and when he does, it is usually motivated by curiosity. If he needs something to be done differently he tells me and I try to accomodate him. When I need him to do something for me, like build a clothesline or wash the cars, he tries to accomodate me too. I have heard submission described as being similar to military rank. The General gives orders to the Major and the Major gives orders to the Captain and on and on down the chain. The Major doesn't deliberately subvert the General and the Captain doesn't deliberately subvert the Major. If they did then the chain of command would break down and nothing would run smoothly. While I don't agree with this analogy 100%, I do believe that it is a short and easy way to explain the way things are supposed to work in a marriage. Sometimes a difficult decision must be made and someone has to make it. I'm not sure I want the responsibility of being that person on my hands. When things go wrong the person who made the decision has to take responsibility for all of the problems that result from it. I respect Fred for being willing to take that responsibility on his shoulders and I am thankful for the fact that I am not burdened with that same responsibility. It gives me lots of extra time to be able to do things like teach the kids, do the laundry, build websites and sew headcoverings. My intention with this little article is to explain things as I understand them. You may or may not agree, that is okay. Hopefully this explanation has helped in some way.
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